your friends and family are not who you think

my study of human nature has been a lifelong endeavor - interesting to some and annoying to others.

I’ve taken a renewed interest of late in personality type and understanding how people are wired. My daughter, who is not wired to be interested in such topics, recently said… “and some people have the personality type that cares (about personality type) and that would be you, mom.”

Yes. That would be me. I care. I know it’s weird, annoying and pointless to many but to me, understanding those around me matters. In fact, it matters so much that I am now completely convinced that if we actually KNEW our friends and family for who they truly are, we would have much more fulfilling relationships AND less heartache, misunderstandings, unfulfilled expectations, hurt feelings, broken marriages and dissolved friendships.

As I have studied the natural differences in people, I have to realize that much my hurt in life has been the result of mere misunderstandings. If I had understood the person I was relating to better, I would have changed my expectations, my communication style or how I interpreted a situation. I could have avoided so many hurt feelings and broken relationships. Instead of striving to know my friend better, I simply assumed I knew what they meant by what they said – because, after all, I know what I would mean by that comment… and words only mean what they mean, right?

Proverbs instructs us to “know thyself” and yet we spend very little time taking an objective look at how we were created. It seems many Christians believe that when we become followers of Christ we lose our selves and we all begin to look and act the same – like Christians. I strongly disagree.

The analogy of the “body of Christ” – one being a foot and another a finger – gives us good reason to consider the fact that HOW we were created, uniquely, is something we retain throughout our journey as followers of Christ on this earth and into eternity.

I believe God created each of us exactly how HE wanted us - each person with gifts, skills, abilities and unique talents that glorify God when they are submitted to Him. Of course our sinful nature will change as we submit to the leadership of the Holy Spirit and our personalities can certainly change as a result. Our wrong thinking, bad habits, dysfunctional ways of dealing with life, should and WILL go away as we grow in our love relationship with Christ. BUT, this is not the same as melding into one generic Christian type. We retain our special, unique selves and we become our special, unique, redeemed selves.

So what? Ok daughter… so what? James exhorts us to inspect our own hearts - to take a critical look at our motives, our intentions. If we are unaware of how we think, feel, process, perceive others, it is very difficult to see ourselves objectively.

Keep in mind, the human condition is forever prideful. This focus on self causes us to believe we are right. We make many assumptions. We assume we know the right way of doing things. We know what others mean by what they say… etc. This position of pride causes us to be blind to truth behind our motives and intentions. If we delve to understand the design of our own souls (mind, will, emotions – i.e. personality) we will be better able to see the shortcomings and sin on our own hearts. Our sinful motives will be revealed more readily as we see our weakness for what they really are.

I think most people avoid understanding themselves and others better because of pride. If they took an objective look at who they are and who they aren’t, they would have to see their strengths and their weakness – what they are naturally gifted at doing and what is difficult for them and takes alot of effort.

Knowing yourself means being held accountable for who you are. It’s much easier to be in the dark about these things and blame others for not being able to relate well, meet your needs, or behavior accordingly.

Know thyself, humble thyself and then... love thy neighbor as thyself.

hiding in Christ

eight months ago the Lord called me

He led me to stop the busyness of my life and to spend my time seeking Him. I thought this was a season that would come to end in a few weeks or months. Yet as time passed, I realized maybe it wasn’t a season at all… but a new lifestyle. A different way of living and perceiving life. A paradigm shift that would change much more than how I spent my time. It would change how I viewed my life, how I lived it and what I would value for the rest of my life here on earth.

I’ve noticed it’s difficult for me to see the forest through the trees. When I am in the midst of my own life, it’s hard to be discerning about how I’m living it. Certainly the Holy Spirit shows me my sin and teaches me things – but until I am removed from the daily operations, I am unable to really look at my own life objectively.

I’ve been reflecting on these changes and how to clearly communicate them. I’m still not sure the best way to articulate something so basic and yet so abstract. In general, I am calling this experience/season/lifestyle – hiding in Christ. I think this is good descriptor as I am decreasing, He is increasing, and I’m in what feels like hiding. I’m sure the scripture about being hidden in Christ has deeper meanings I am unfamiliar with, but for me right now, this language fits. I feel I am choosing to be hidden IN Him.

I believe what He’s done in me is valuable and could possibly benefit someone else, so I will try to recap some of the highlights so far. This might be a bit rough. I am still processing.

• giving Him my undivided attention is invaluable. Focusing on Christ. Developing my own personal relationship with Him is not optional is absolutely vital. To truly KNOW Him takes time, effort, energy, willingness, surrender, desire. It will not just magically happen. He deserves and desires our attention. Our worship. Our love. Our passion. Knowing Him is, and will always be, all that matters.
  


• time is a valuable resource and we will be held accountable for how we spend it – just as we will for all that we’ve been given > money, health, children, skills/abilities, relationships. Everything we’re given can be used for His kingdom purposes or it can be abused and wasted. It’s all a choice – whether our choice is conscience or subconscience, we all decide how we utilize and apply what He has given us. I am now choosing to spend my time on Him and His purposes.
  


• to only do what I see the Father doing. So much of my life has been consumed with busyness. After 42 years on this earth, I’m finally able to see how much of what we do is motivated by expectations of others – and even ourselves. I’ve spent much of my life trying to live up to my OWN expectations – kinda weird, I know. I’ve always been one of those over-achiever types with very high expectations for what I should be able to do or accomplish – which has made it difficult to see what the Father doing. I have now given up my own agenda and I'm focusing on watching for Him and his agenda. An amazing change of pace for me. It’s been wonderful to release myself from all my expectations and truly REST in HIM.
  


• He is pleased. He loves me for WHO I am – not what I do. As much as I could have said these same words for many years now, I didn’t really understand and believe them like I do today. For a driven person who values producing things and accomplishing goals – it’s nearly impossible to NOT be works-oriented. I am realizing more each day that being a doer can only be an outcome of the love relationship I have with Him. If I don’t focus on Him and let Him fill me up first – then I have NO PLACE doing anything. After all, Paul says all those good-looking works I do will be like dirty rags when they are done outside of the love we share with God. So now... I am doing a lot less and feeling loved a lot more.
  


• I don’t get it. The older I get, the less I know – or the more I realize how little I’ve ever known. I am comfortable now not trying to figure everything out. My need to completely understand and categorize information has decreased significantly. I am now better able to accept the fact that I CAN’T know everything and I shouldn’t even try! Not everything needs to make sense to me. I have a human mind. God’s thinking is so much higher than mine. He knows best. I trust Him. I trust He loves me and His plan is perfect. I don’t need to know the answer to my ongoing question -- why. I am much more comfortable with ambiguity and the unknown. I feel safe and secure even when I don’t know what is going to happen next. That’s huge.

I am now embracing this new lifestyle. One of simplicity. Putting Him in His right place – FIRST in every area of my life, my heart, my thoughts and my small little deeds. I look forward to being transformed more and more as I gaze upon His beauty and allow Him to continue to change me. I am excited to say that I honestly feel different. I don’t feel driven anymore. A friend of mine recently told me about a book I am yet to read – something like… Are you called or driven? I can thankfully say that by the grace of God, I am now becoming CALLED and leaving behind my need to be driven.

hiding, resting, being and trusting in Him.

do you know my heart better than I?

I had a strange situation happen recently.

A dear friend from childhood misunderstood a joke I made and insisted I meant something hurtful. It was sureal as she continued in email after email to try to convince me of my ill intent. I was truly caught off guard.

Did she know my heart better than I? I thought, prayed, pondered and waited to see if some hidden agenda would rise to the surface. As I questioned myself and considered my true intentions, I began to think about what makes us think we know another's heart better than they do themselves?

How often have I been convinced someone meant to be mean or rude or hurtful to me? When maybe... they didn't. How many times have I reacted to something I completely misinterpreted but instead of expecting and believing the best about them and ASKING for clarification, I become hurt, offended and mad? Too many times, I'm sure.

Why are we so afraid to just accept someone's explanation at face value? Does what we think others are communicating to us really reveal what we think they believe about us?

Meaning - if I believe someone does not truly like me, accept me or love me for who I am, am I more inclined to project those feeling onto them - and think they are judging me or rejecting me?

Maybe what we think other's feel about us does more to reveal what WE feel about ourselves than it does reveal the other's heart? Maybe our own insecurities and wounds are being revealed when we feel other's are out to get us.

Not sure... just wondering as I sit and wait on the Lord to reveal to me the TRUTH in my own heart. Only HE fully knows what's there.

I cannot completely trust my own interpretations of my words, thoughts and actions because my heart (in it's unredeemed state) is deceitful and very tricky. My soul is fully capable of tricking me into believing I am being pure in my motives when in fact I have a wicked intent or an alterior motive. It's true. I can be just as mean as the next girl - meaner really. So I pray. I wait. I ask HIM to reveal my heart to me.

Often He shows me some really gross, sinful stuff. But this time... nothing. I was just joking - REALLY! Just a silly joke. A joke that may have put a 30 year friendship on hold, yet again. What a shame. Or not?

Maybe it's for the best. I've found that some releationships can really cause more harm than good if both parties wounds continue to prick each other and no healing is in sight.

One thing I've learned - you can't change people. You can't change what they think, feel or believe about you OR about themselves. Only they can change their minds and oftentimes ONLY with God's help.

I guess I can say farewell to yet another friendship. I trust the Lord is putting me into right relationship with all of those He ordains to be in my life - no more, no less.

We all need healing... really - we ALL do.

what gives you LIFE?

I love my husband. He's very encouraging. He recently told me to stop asking what is needed or necessary and ask instead: what brings me life? That is a great question.

What brings me LIFE?

It's amazing for me to realize that God gifted each of us to do the things we love to do, the things that bring us LIFE! That HE actually designed us to love certain things and to be energized by them as gifts to us to bless us as we do what we LOVE TO DO!

To think that we were uniquely designed to ENJOY life - to receive LIFE from life. Not to be drained and strung out. Not to strive and labor.

I think as a young adult I was unsure about this. I never really believed God loved me THAT much. That He desired me to be enjoying the journey. I knew He bled and died for me, gave His life for me. But, did He really want me to ENJOY life? Was I truly meant to get something out of this for myself?

Maybe it was being raised a hard-working American who values education, career, money and worldly-success OR maybe it was my German ancestry - utilitarian and practical at all costs. Who knows. Maybe it was just a part of my inborn personality - be practical and do what is necessary. Wherever it came from, it was there. I had a strong sense of doing things because I should do them - because they made the most sense. Not because I loved them or they brought me LIFE!

After 20 years or so, this way of thinking led to death. Not death in my body, but death to my passions, my dreams. Death to what I had deemed impractical and selfish things that actually brought me LIFE. I was living, but my heart was not fully alive. I was capable and competant, but not enjoying the journey much.

It's funny. We tell our kids they can do anything, be anything. No dream is too big for God so dream big. But, do we? I had stopped dreaming for me. I could dream for them and my husband, but not for myself.

At some point in my own life, I think fairly young, I decided I was going to do the right thing - be responsible, be productive, be successful, be solid. I think many times we become what we don't have - what our soul needs. It made sense to develop myself into what I thought I needed most. A person I could look up to. A person I could value.

This process of deciding and responding really locks you in. Locks you into someone you are maybe not meant to be - completely.

I believe that we are fearfully and wonderfully made - and that there's A LOT in there. Meaning, we are NOT a blank slate when we enter this world. We are each a unique, complex creation of God, designed to reflect His glory in our one-of-a-kind personalities as we are fully redeemed by His overwhelming love.

We were created to express the Father.

He designed us for specific purposes. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He made us and He desires us to be all that He created us to be. But in order to do that, we must first get free. Free from the lies of the enemy. Free from ourselves and the limitations we've placed on us. Free from hurts in our hearts from past wounds. Free from the expectations of ourselves and others. We must be FREE to fully embrace WHO He made us to be. FREE to BE and DO what He uniquely created us to - the things that BRING US LIFE.

Sounds simple but I've personally found it to be very hard. So often as I step out to do the things that give me life, I enter a battle. A battle in my mind of accusation, lies, expectations etc. Voices in my head saying that this is waste of time, I need to be doing something else, someone needs me... etc.

Yet, when I push through, WHAT LIFE! I feel alive and happy and loved. I know in those moments that THIS is what I was created for and I shake off all excuses, accusations and opinions of man. I embrace the ME the HE created and I enjoy the journey.

Wouldn't it be amazing to live in this place all the time? I believe it's possible.

Sure we will still need to do the practical things like the laundry, cooking, cleaning etc (or whatever you consider "chores"). But we will be energized. We will come from a place where our hearts are full and we HAVE SOMETHING to GIVE... verses being drained empty.

I want to live that way. From today on, I will choose to BE who HE created me to be and I DO what brings me LIFE.

Recently, I made a choice in this direction. I went on my first community theater audition in 20 years. It seemed hard to get back out there at first but I had a blast preparing. I truly love singing musical theater music! I brings me LIFE!

The audition went very well – they kept me till the bitter end. I read & sang for the lead and the other major female roles. Honestly, on my audition piece – I give myself a B. It was not my best – but I guess enough for them to see my ability.

I really don’t expect to get cast. If I do, I will be excited to participate in something that really makes me feel alive. But either way, the audition alone was success to me. I stepped out. I made a choice to do something that brings my heart LIFE. That is a victory. I will continue to make these choices.

My husband inspired me several years ago when he started swimming again after 20 years. I think now we both realize that to tell our kids to reach for the stars and do what they love, while we sit back and ignore our own hearts, is hypocrisy and not a very good example.

It is wonderful to realize that we don’t need to lay down all the things we love just because we have children. We CAN have things in our lives that we love too – just because we love them – and… they don’t have to serve a practical purpose to be worthwhile. Loving them is enough!

And best of all, this is God's gift to us: when we do what we were created to do, it brings us LIFE while it brings HIM GLORY!

faith and wisdom - a necessary combination

My thoughts are recently being drawn toward the concept of faith and how it relates to wisdom. My heart is torn when I see situations that presumably took "great faith" and yet ended in what looks like a disaster!

I sense the Lord is speaking loudly about wisdom being a necessary component to acting in mature FAITH.

When we step out for something, don’t our steps need to be balanced and supported in a firm foundation? Are extreme radical choices always a sign of radical faith? Or could they sometimes be impatience, a lack of planning, a misinterpreted word, or just plain irresponsible?

I guess my point is, I’m not sure it’s mature faith that makes radical choices without concern or planning for the long term. A wise man plans for the provision of his family, has the money to pay his debts, steps out in faith with wisdom. He doesn't recklessly jump off the cliff and expect God to pick up his pieces.

Surely the argument can be made that taking BIG RISKS reveals BIG FAITH, but I believe we need to take the scriptures as a whole.

To me, being led by the SPIRIT will align with walking in WISDOM. I do not believe the Lord calls us into debt, or poverty, or danger. These things do not reflect the Lord's love for us. He does not call us into these bad situations.

Of course we need to TRUST HIM and go where HE says go, but these decisions need to be balanced in wisdom. Not our wisdom, but GOD's wisdom. The wisdom outlined in His Word. There is an entire book of scripture dedicated to the topic. It's PROVERBS. If we will submit ourselves to God's ways and DO WHAT IS NECESSARY, I believe we will be greatly blessed as we step out in faith and walk in the wisdom of the Lord.

This is not say that we are always spared difficult circumstances. Of course we will walk through hard times. Our faith will be tested. But the difference in my mind is that in the end, if we are humble and teachable, we will come out on top. We will be blessed. This is contray to some of my own reckless "faith" decisions, where I've ended up being disciplined and receiving a very basic bail out - not a blessing - but a simple survival plan. Both situations are difficult, but the later was avoidable.

I believe God has ABUNDANCE for his children and He releases that abundance when we get in line with His WILL and His WAYS. But, His ways are not our ways. His ways are perfect, perfect in wisdom and truth.

As I was pondering this correlation between faith and wisdom and how it relates to DEBT, I posted this as my status on Facebook…

"seeing a need for a greater revelation of faith and it's dependence on wisdom. Faith for things that are outside God's plan are not acts of faith. They are at best wishful thinking and at worst cries for mercy. A life of faith involves wisdom, revelation, and obedience, not careless acts with hope that God will bail you out. I think lots of folks get God confused with Santa Clause?"

I also wonder if some of our impulsive choices are not a response in us to be seen as super-spiritual. I am really bothered by the “highly-spiritual” stamp of approval that seems to be placed on certain life choices… like being a missionary, a pastor, or worship leader.

I’m not saying that these are not wonderful vocations or callings, but I am saying that they can be elevated to looking more spiritual that others, and I believe that is not the case. We are all fulfilling our callings in Christ as we walk in every area of life - business, education, medicine, church ministry, singleness, small family, large family, adoptive family, missionary etc. Each are equal in the Lord's eyes. It's hearing His voice and obeying that's important - not looking religious!

I wonder if sometimes we make these choices out of a desire to perform for God – to please Him with our choices? I know we can only BE who He created us to be. That is what pleases Him. We don’t need to perform.

When I couple this concept with the fact that making these choices without the proper planning – without following the wisdom of the Lord - can result in emergency situations where there is a lack of provision, I question the motivation. I know God's heart is to bless us.

Of course the Lord will provide. But again, is making ends meet His ultimate desire for us? I think not. I believe HE has abundance for us, but it requires walking in His ways – walking in wisdom & revelation and OBEYing Him.

I believe oftentimes we put ourselves in these very difficult situations. I know I have! However, I also believe the LORD always makes a way. He loves us. But, are all of our struggles His desire, His plan? I think not.

Maybe I am overstating somethings. Sometimes when revelation comes, it’s extreme until it settles. But I know God will use ALL things for GOOD for those who love Him and keep His commands.

I think it's worth a ponder though... are we really walking in FAITH or are we simply too impulsive and impatient to really do things God's way? Maybe planning and exercising patience and self-control require great faith? I think they do!

no longer a fixer - now I'm FREE

I was born a fixer. I love solving problems, developing creative solutions, making things all better.

Not only is this a gift set of mine, but it also fit well into my family of origin. That's right... I am a first born child. A first born child from a divorced home with an alcoholic, bi-polar parent. A perfect scenrio for a person who likes being the savior.

I was the one who loved to jump in and fix it, pick up the pieces, parent my parents and work hard to keep everything in balance.

Only problem with this was that by 15 years old, I was exhausted! I had the stress level, responsibilities, and concerns of an adult. It wasn't much fun. I was pretty serious and became a very deep thinker.

By 16, I was ready to live a little - and about that time, I met my husband. If you know him, you will agree that he really knows how to have fun, be silly and enjoy life. It was great.

I often say that I had my childhood from 16-27. (At 27, I had my first baby so I had to become a bit more of an adult again.) But I thank God for those carefree years with my childhood sweetheart and now husband of 19 years.

Over the past 20 years, I've been on a long journey of healing. An ongoing pursuit of allowing the Lord to heal the wounds in my heart - the wounds created by painful experiences of the past and those created by lack.

As a result, I am no longer the person I once was. It's truly amazing to me what an incredible impact this healing journey had on my personality.

I often tell people I pray with - don't be surprised if you change as a result such healing prayer... meaning become more fully who your truly are. As you are healed from hurts, fears and confusion, you become FREE to be your true self. The one God created. Not the one created by YOU to survive.

It's true. We make choices about others, ourselves and even God as a result of our pain - choices that change how we operate, what we believe to be true, how we experience life. Choices that ultimately change WHO we are.

So often our personalities are literally shaped by the negative influences of our lives. We end living/surviving as someone who is always waiting for the next shoe to drop or for the rug to be pulled out from under us.

Not me. Not anymore. After 6 years of counseling and 7+ years of inner healing, I have discovered who I was truly created to be... a fun-loving, adventure-seeking, never boring ME. I have learned how to process my pain and to forgive my parents.

I can now accept them for who they are and for who they aren't, without needing anything from them. Now, I can just be their friend.

Sometimes it's still a challenge, though. Sometimes, I still get bothered or concerned after talking to one of them. Especially if they have a problem I think I could solve!

Remember, my soul was created to FIX THINGS. And… I could intervene - I could make it all go away. HOWEVER, I believe Holy Spirit says NO. This is not my job. Is this voice my soul? I don’t think so b/c my soul’s normal reaction would be to save the day. I love saving the day.

BUT, the LORD has trained me to watch, listen, wait, pray, then to watch, listen, pray and wait some more. I am not the person I was 20 years ago.

I am no longer a fixer. I don't have to be. Now, I am free.

a woman who loves too much

Wow. I can't believe it's been five months since I've blogged. I have certainly had many random thoughts over the past five months that I could've shared. Truth is many of the thoughts I had over these months have been truly trivial, some of them have been a bit confusing, and a very few have been borderline disturbing.

I had a BIG birthday since my last blog and that was what caused many of my confusing/borderline disturbing thoughts.

Don't get me wrong. I was actually very excited to cross over into the next decade. To me growing older is VERY SIGNIFICANT. I feel it's an honor and a privilege to still be on this planet experiencing this amazingly blessed life. So, if that were the only reason (which it's not), I believe ALL birthdays should be richly celebrated, appreciated, and enjoyed to the fullest.

My confusion, and what ultimately ended in my disappointment, was being one of the only ones in my life who actually feels this way about birthdays. Unfortunately, I apparently have very unrealistic expectations of the people in my life.

Isn't that often true for many of us. Isn't it common to see the world through our own paradigm, our own values, our own personality. We think everyone sees things the way we do. Until the dreaded disappointment comes. Until that day when we are there waiting... and waiting... and waiting for someone to do what we are sure they will do - and then, they don't. BUMMER!!

You would think I've outgrown such silly expectations. You would think after all God has done in my heart that I'd be able to see BEYOND such trivial, earthly things. Well... I can't. I wish I could. Believe me. I would be much happier if I cared a WHOLE LOT LESS about such things. As a friend of mine always says... "I'm working on it."

It seems I live with a curse. A curse that some would call a blessing, but to me - more often than not it FEELS like a curse. I love too much. Really it's true. I care too much about people and I have a huge desire, maybe even a need, to be in deep relationships that MATTER. I want to be connected to other people - to know what is going on in their HEARTS.

This desire is such a hassle really. Sometimes I wish I were someone who didn't really need others. Someone for whom relationships were purely a function of tasking. Someone who thought deep conversations were boring. Someone who could "love the one their with" so to speak. But no. Not me. I have to care. I have to want to know what's really going on. I have to actually desire relationship just for relationship-sake - with no agenda or ulterior motive.

I really don't understand why God played such a evil trick on me. To make me this way and then to make the majority of the people in my life the opposite. It's really a challenge.

After the passing of my big day and subsequent events, I was very confused. Most of those I considered my closest friends missed it. Either they wished me well in their own way, or they let the moment come and go without a word. Funny. Kinda strange.

It really made me take a look at my relationships. I personally think one of the most difficult things in life is to know WHO your friends are. Was this event a defining moment for my friendships? Probably not, considering most people don't place the same value on time passing (birthdays) that I do.

Ok. So, if this was NOT a defining moment, then what ARE the indicators of a tried and true lifelong friend?

Calls, emails, planning to spend time together, asking about you? Seem like simple things but they don't happen as often as you'd think.

You know, in the midst of all this disappointment and confusion, I decided to just be nice to everyone. I had to work through forgiving a long list of people who I had expectations on. These folks has NO IDEA that they let me down. They don't know that I needed to forgive them. But I did.

So now that I've forgiven and forgotten and I'm choosing to be "nice," the real issue arises. What relationships do I INVEST in??

One confusing factor is that I am a counselor. Not officially. But that's how God uses me - as a "pastor" or lay minister. I meet with people to talk, pray, process, mentor etc. God always brings women and girls into my life for me to pour into. The problem then becomes - BOUNDARIES!!

After some time in these relationships, my soul begins to think (as does the one I'm meeting with) that this is a personal friendship. We both begin to believe that we can count on the other person to be a part of our life, our story. When the truth is, we can't. These types of relationships are seasonal. They are serving a very specific purpose and we need to embrace that purpose and then move on. That is extremely hard for someone who loves too much. I always want to hang on.

The borderline disturbing thoughts I had over the past five months are that I realize I have WRONG EXPECTATIONS and WRONG DESIRES in this area of friendship. So, I've been praying about it a lot. Asking God to give me a Godly perspective on my relationships.

As a result, I am being way more intentional and purposeful with my time. I am protecting some of it. I am no longer "free" to meet with whoever wants to. I am being selective and asking the Lord to show me how to invest my time, my energy. After all, these are valuable resources that are exhaustive. We can't take our lives for granted.

Nonetheless, I did have a few very special, fellow "birthday-lovers", who made a sincere effort to love me and bless me as I marked this milestone in my life. It was these friends who really made my birthday fabulous. My family, of course, was amazing as well.

I want to live a full, abundant life with those people GOD calls me to be in relationship with - no more, no less.

some gifts you can't return

I have many people in my life - myself included - who like to return gifts. You know how it is. Someone gives you a gift and the size is wrong or the color clashes with your hair and you HAVE to return it. Nothing against the wonderful intentions of the giver - it just makes sense to return the gift. After all, we don't want it to just sit in the closet taking up room.

Lately, I've been thinking about the gifts God gives to us. I think some of us - again myself included - have attempted to return these gifts as well. The only catch is, these gifts are NOT returnable. The gifts God gives are PERMANENT. We don't earn them or deserve them. They are not given because we are "good" or qualified. They are simply given out of the heart of God. A heart filled with love. A heart that is PERFECT and desires to BLESS.

So what happens when we, so insecure sometimes, so imperfect and sinful, realize we have such amazing gifts? Well, we can have any number of responses.

One is to reject the gift and the giver. Often there are those who are so broken, so wounded that they simply cannot bring themselves to ACCEPT the awesome things God has placed in them. SO they rebel - against who they really are and against the God who created them.

Another common response is to take pride in it. To somehow think that you deserve the gift. That you're "greatness" is because of your "greatness" - YUCK. Total and complete pride and haughtiness. This response also rejects/ignores the giver. Yet, God NEVER rescinds a gift. Once given, it is permanent.

Oftentimes we respond in ways that are not so extreme. We acknowledge that the gift is there (to an extent) but we shy away from it. We find that the greatness of the gift makes us feel unworthy or uncomfortable. It's difficult for us to receive the FULL MEASURE of all CHRIST has given us.

We are unworthy and that makes us uncomfortable UNTIL we fully accept that we are desperate for Jesus. For who HE IS and ALL HE has done for us.

I believe that the best response we can have and how we can honor GOD most, is to acknowledge that we don't deserve HIS favor, HIS sacrifice, HIS gifts and to RECEIVE THEM FULLY.

Embrace the unique gifts God has placed within you. MOVE IN THEM. Don't shy away from the GLORY of GOD in YOU. He wants to live HIS LIFE out through you - using the amazing uniqueness and awesomeness of YOU. You walking in the fullness of your calling BRINGS GLORY to GOD. DO not steal HIS GLORY by rejecting His gifts.

Whether He's given you unique talents to sing, dance, paint, sculpt, write, speak in public, make people laugh, listen, counsel, etc; or made you beautiful, athletic, brilliant, sensitive, intuitive, organized, creative, etc; or given you money, power, position, influence, etc... USE ALL OF IT TO THE GLORY OF GOD.

No longer apologize or understate who HE made you to BE. YOU are a valuable part of God's kingdom on the this Earth and HE desires you to be ALL that He designed you to be.

Embrace the Giver
Embrace the Gift
Surrender to the Giver
Surrender the Gift

As we embrace and surrender, HE can be freely expressed through us.

He increases, we decrease, and all the while we become more fully who HE created us to be... ONE with our God.

my own worst enemy

I wrote this entry in the first person, present tense as a style choice. I dealt with this particular issue for many years and have recently been sharing with others who struggle in a similar way - hence the post. By the grace of God, I have been set free from most of these inner struggles and I (mostly) walk in the TRUTH of who HE says I AM!

However, I believe that HOW we see ourselves and HOW we sin against ourselves can be a significant block that keeps us from the TRUTH & ultimate FREEDOM Jesus offers - so I wrote the post.

Lately, I've been reflecting on the power we have over ourselves.

Seems like an simple idea, but the impact I have on ME is much greater than it seems. Truth is - it's very easy for me to be my own worst enemy on any given day - without me even realizing it.

For example, how many times per day am I thinking negative thoughts about myself? How many false beliefs do I hold about me? How many vows, or agreements, or judgements have I made against myself, who I am or who I'm not, what I can or can't do or accomplish? For many of us, these patterns of thinking are just automatic.

The problem is, this is not simply a bad habit. It is REAL sin. Sin against ourselves is something we don't often acknowledge. What's unique about this type of sin is that it hurts us DOUBLE. Not only am I the one sinning, but I am also the one being sinned against. A double whammy! And so we reap the consequences of the sin from both ends.

As I wrongly judge myself, I sin. That sin opens the door for the enemy to walk into my thought life and add fuel to the fire against me. All the while, I am receiving the curse I've made against me and beginning to believe it.

The consequences of such on-going self-rejection, self-hatred or self-loathing directly impact who I am today, who I will become in the future, what I believe about God and others, what I can accomplish in this life and the joy I allow myself to experience.

After years of living with false perceptions about me and regularly speaking lies about myself, I become less and less of who God created me to be and more and more a creation of my own reality. These wrong beliefs about me, shape my personality and steal parts of who I truly am.

I end up settling for so much less than God intended - without me even knowing it. BECAUSE... more than anyone else, I have the most power over ME. I decide what I will allow myself to enjoy, believe, think, feel, eat, do etc. I control me - for better, or oftentimes... for worse. That's the freewill God has give me.

What I believe about me affects who I can become, what I can accomplish, who I will marry, how I will raise my children and the list goes on. How we see ourselves has a tremendous impact on every aspect of our lives.

YET, we must remember that Jesus mentioned many times that we are to LOVE ourselves. In fact he presumed this self-love when He said "love your neighbor as yourself" - i.e. as much as you love yourself - assuming you already love yourself more than others.

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. Lev. 19 18

The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31

But if we judged/discerned ourselves truly, we would not be judged. 32 But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world. 1 Corn. 11

Take a moment and think about how you have harshly judged yourself. Are you holding anything against yourself? What do YOU need to forgive YOURself for?

There may be parts of you that you've rejected. Maybe you didn't like something about you at first glance - so you rejected that part. Do you remember doing something like that? It's often when we are small or in the teen years that we shut away important parts of who we were created to be. You can recall those parts. They are waiting to be reclaimed.

God says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made - completely - not in part but in whole. He desires us to be FULLY who HE created. These parts of our hearts that we've rejected and shut down, HE loves. These are the very things that HE wants to restore to our personality.

Ask God about this. Ask yourself. Listen to your heart. It will tell you where you have sinned against you. Ask the Holy Spirit. He will reveal to the areas of your personality that you have rejected or denied. He will show you how you can reclaim these parts of your heart again. You can forgive yourself and receive what you've rejected. You can start today. The Lord will mend the broken pieces of your heart and make it whole.

Consider your sin against yourself today. There might be more of it then you think.

the healing hand of God

If you've been reading this blog for very long, you already know that I am very passionate about the realities of God; our spiritual journey; and the transformation of our hearts - becoming more like Jesus.

I had a great conversation the other day with a close friend regarding inner healing. It seems some in the Church don't see a significant reason to dig into the heart to get free from strongholds and habitual sin. There is the mentality of simply "take every thought captive" and choose to get your thinking and your life in line with the Word of God. I personally believe this is only a piece of the puzzle needed to maintain long-term freedom.

After many years of trying to renew my own mind with the truth of God, I found a deeper "inner healing" was necessary in both me as well as those I minister to - in order to gain and maintain permanent change in the soul. Otherwise, my journey looked like this: sin, repent, freedom, sin, repent, freedom - over and over again with the same issue. Very laborious and discouraging.

As a result, I went searching for something that would make a permanent change in me - true FREEDOM. I was exhausted and tired of repeating this same pattern. Now, I can truly say that since becoming a Christian 24 years ago MUCH or even MOST of my spiritual growth and transformation has been a DIRECT result of Jesus’ healing touch to my heart - a deep, personal healing encounter.

Before these healings, my agreement with God’s Word was merely lip-service – I was not transformed by it. I was the same person I was before meeting Jesus. The only difference was I worked harder to be “nice” and not sin – but my effort was mostly in my flesh.

Almost 15 years ago, I started on a healing journey. After battling years of cyclical, clinical depression, I pursued “Christian” counseling that eventually led to personal ministry for deliverance and inner healing.

These experiences have involved a variety of processes including Theophostics, Restoring The Foundations, The More Excellent Way, Lessons in Freedom, Neil Anderson’s material, Pablo Patari, etc, etc.

After learning all I could about deliverance, I moved on to studying inner healing, and then most recently have been focusing on the soul – the part WE have in our own sanctification process. I believe each of these areas plays a critical role in us being transformed into the image and likeness of Christ.

THE PROCESS:
These transformative encounters with Jesus have included the key elements of deliverance, healing and an understanding of the soul.

Each encounter looked different but they all involved me repenting for my sin (of unbelief, anger, unforgiveness, pride, judgment, etc.); renouncing the sin (taking back authority I’d given the enemy); rebuking the enemy (commanding the spirits to leave in Jesus’ name - deliverance); forgiving everyone involved and releasing them from any retribution; and then breaking all ungodly soul ties with all those involved including myself.

Every time He’s touched my heart (soul) to heal it, He’s revealed unmet needs or unhealed hurts, reminded me of their root (memory), revealed the TRUTH to me, and then RENEWED my mind and HEALED my heart.

After these “inner healings,” I experienced real deliverance. By this I mean, I was set FREE from wrong desires, wrong thinking, wrong beliefs about myself, God and others. Old habits, patterns and strongholds were broken. I did not continue to struggle to take “every single thought captive” because the wrong thoughts were eliminated. *keep in mind, even Paul was a man who struggled with ongoing sin and strongholds. I believe HE would have benefited greatly from such healing encounters*

This TRUE deliverance was only possible because the open doors (i.e. the sin that gave the enemy access) were sealed shut by the blood of Jesus. When the wounds that exist in our hearts are healed, we no longer respond in sinful ways to meet our own needs, and the cycle is broken. We no longer offer an open a door for the enemy to come in.

Lastly, after each leg in my journey of healing and deliverance, I’ve been called to a higher level of surrender in my SOUL – where I continue to break soul ties, tear down strongholds, reject false personas, deny my flesh, feed the Spirit and press on. (see my previous post on the soul for more detail. )

Many have commented that these "processes" seem so complicated. I want to reply to the comment, "Jesus ministered in such simplicity. Why are these processes so complex?"

Yes, the concept is SIMPLE – but simple does not mean easy. Is it simple to say we surrender all? We forgive someone? We repent for all our sin? These are simple ideas, but not always easy to walk out.

I say the same goes for this battle we fight against the principalities and powers of darkness as well as the strongholds we’ve built in our minds – every VAIN imagination that exalts itself against the knowledge of GOD. These are simple concepts that are often difficult to walk out.

War is strategic. It takes time, effort and revelation. Simple idea, "go win the war" – but not an easy directive to walk out! I believe our journey with Jesus involves much effort. It is not EASY. It can be strategic, intense and deep… BUT we PRESS ON to finish the race well.

The fact that the sanctification of our souls, our transformation into the image of Christ, goes deep into our hearts, reveals hidden realities of our souls, involves our entire life (childhood and adulthood), requires time, effort and revelation on our part, is not quick and easy spiritual "fast food," DOES NOT mean it's "too complicated" or "difficult" to pursue. Jesus wants to partner with us on our journey and we need to be willing to go wherever He wants us to go - even when His destination is deep into our own hearts.

be strong and courageous and grab a hold of the healing hand of God - it might be hard road, but so worth it!

relationship... all that really matters

I am continually bombarded by every possible substitute for true, authentic relationship with Jesus. It sometimes seems easier to embrace religious rules or even existential thought than to be in a real one on one relationship with God.

I think relationships are difficult for us as humans. They take energy, effort, vulnerability, time, communication, forgiveness, grace, flexibility, intention, attention, etc. etc. It’s much easier to turn to the TV, the computer, or anything else as a substitute.

Relationships are messy. They require change. We have to grow and develop in order to maintain them. We are either changed by them, or we change with them. If one person in a relationship is constant (unchanging) the other will need to change in order to stabilize the relationship.

Surely you’ve seen this in marriage. Where one partner is stubborn and strong-willed and will not change so the other person becomes whoever the strong-willed partner needs them to be. It’s sometimes hard to watch this change take place. Years into the marriage, the “flexible” spouse barely resembles the vibrant young person they once were - all to hold the marriage together.

Then there are those marriages where both spouses are unwilling to change. Unfortunately, more than ½ of all the marriages today end in divorce - very often the result of both partners being unwilling to change they way they must to live together in harmony.

The least common expression of marriage is what I call a Transformative Marriage. This is a relationship where both partners grow and change to become ONE. After 17 years of marriage, I can honestly say I am no longer the girl I was at 16 or even 21. I am now a counterpart to my husband and he is a complement to me. We’ve been molded, shaped into ONE by God and our willingness to DAILY surrender our selfish wants, needs, idiosyncrasies.

This is not a very popular concept nowadays. We’ve grown up in a country that places significant value on independence, self-sufficiency and personal goals. As a result, we have no idea how be interdependent, how to share what we have, or how to be flexible so we can grow and develop into who God intended us to be. We get stuck in the strongholds of our personalities and our inflexible nature.

How does all this apply to our relationship with God? How well we function in our interpersonal relationships in general point directly to how well we’ll function in our relationship with God. We behave the same no matter WHO it is that we are relating to.

However before we can consider a relationship with God, we must first acknowledge that He is a PERSON we can have relationship with.

Today many popular spiritual paradigms view God as an impersonal force - a spiritual being who watches us from a distance (like the old Bette Midler song). This Force doesn’t interfere with or intervene in the details of our daily lives. It focuses it’s energy on taking care of the cosmos - making sure the planets are orbiting in space. As I understand it, in order to have success in this paradigm you align yourself with the force and things go well for you. If you are misaligned, your life results in bad luck, sickness and poverty. Personal relationship with God is not a necessary ingredient in this spiritual system. There’s no interaction or conversation with God as a person, only the leading of the force.

Christianity is very different. In Christianity God IS a Man. Jesus was and is and will always be fully God and fully man. This is a very important aspect of our faith - not only because He must be fully human to feel what we feel, love how we love and die for all of our sin so we can have an unobstructed, unencumbered relationship with God. But, He MUST be fully man so that we can have a personal relationship with Him. Jesus is completely human in every way and yet completely GOD - one with the Father and the Spirit while on Earth, now in the Heaven and in the future when He rules and reigns as KING on the New Earth for Eternity.

As Christians our main purpose, our ultimate goal, our number one desire is to be in RELATIONSHIP with Jesus - not to perfectly follow a man-made set a rules, adhere to some religious structure or to align ourselves with a distant spiritual force.

Our faith is based on a relationship with a man, a man who is God, Jesus. And this God-man, Jesus desires to be known by us. It’s in this relationship where we have a two-way interchange as we spend time together, get to know one another, talk to each other and listen to each other. It’s similar to our relationships with other people. We need to spend time together to BUILD the relationship.

Our relationship with God is so personal, so intimate that it can be easily distorted or ruined by man-made laws or religion. Imagine what your marriage might look like if you simply tried to fulfill your relationship by following a set of rules established by others many years ago. What things might you do in your role as husband or wife that would not even come close to meeting the needs of your spouse? After all, you are unique individuals with a unique relationship. How could any set of rules meet the needs of your growing, transforming relationship? That’s how it is with our relationship with Jesus.

As we communicate with Jesus and get to know Him better, we are transformed by His love. Just like I mentioned in my example of a marriage. We must be flexible and open in order to have a growing, healthy relationship. Jesus is constant, unchanging. He is perfect and complete in everyway so He does not need to be changed by His relationship with us. However, we NEED to be transformed through our relationship with Him. We will not be transformed by following a set of rules. We can only be truly changed through a living, breathing two-way relationship with Jesus.

Changing to adhere to rules is religion. It’s putting on a new suit without getting the heart transplant we desperately need. Leaning on man-made structures causes us to become lazy in our intimacy with Jesus. It seems much easier to “do” things a certain way than to take the time and energy necessary to talk with Jesus directly, to seek His will, and hear from Him.

Now when I talk about religion and man-made structures, I’m NOT referring to the Word of God. I believe the Word of God is infallible and unchanging - however, I do think some interpretations have caused misunderstandings. This is one of the many reasons why a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus is so necessary. If we hear God’s voice, we can rely on the Holy Spirit to teach us the meaning of the scripture. God’s Spirit will communicate directly to our spirit and we will have a deep understanding of God’s Word.

As we grow in our intimacy with Jesus, our understanding of God’s Word will grow and develop as well. You will re-read familiar scriptures and they will have deeper, more complex meanings. While your original understanding will still hold true, the deeper meaning will touch a deeper part of your spirit.

This year it’s my one desire to press deeper into my relationship with Jesus. To make more time for Him. To talk with Him. To listen to Him. To choose to surrender more of my heart, mind, will and emotions to Him. To be transformed by Him and then to end up looking more like Him. Everything else is truly meaningless and will burn away in the end. Only one thing will remain, Him in me and me in Him.

This is my one desire… a deep, intimate relationship with the God-Man, Jesus

giving the gifts that matter

This Christmas our extended family has decided to not exchange material gifts with one another - adults that is... kids under the age of 18 are still eligible for presents! :)

What a relief! I am so happy about this decision. This has been something I've been promoting to the family for years but FINALLY the rest of the gang has jump on board... some willingly... some not so much!

I am very excited to celebrate the birthday of the most important person in my life without the stress of what to buy, how much to spend, will they like it, was it all fair and equal etc., etc. all running through my mind. It feels like PEACE to have eliminated all of this busy work!!!

This year, I want to give gifts that really matter like - love, compassion, time, hugs, encouraging words, laughter, fun... you know, all the intangibles that we take for granted and push aside for the STUFF!

I am happy to be free of the STUFF!

gifts in my heart last so much longer...

taking the soul out of control

The following is LONG! Several friends have asked me to share the details of a teaching I'm doing at a retreat this Thanksgiving weekend. I built this entry from my teaching notes – so if you need to fast forward or come back for more later – go ahead... it might get too long for you!

Personal Reflections:

My journey with the Lord has been typical in many ways. I became a Christian, joined a church and started SERVING the Lord. Pretty simple. However, after “being promoted” into leadership, I found I still had MANY of the same struggles I had before I became a Christian. I still battled depression and had thoughts about myself that were very negative. I continued to struggle relationally with friends and family as I was always looking for love to make me feel better. I worked too much at my job as I was continually seeking approval and affirmation from others. In reality, my life was really not that different than it was before I became a follower of Jesus.

God used these struggles to get my attention. He began to show me that there was MUCH MORE. More to LIFE than what I was experiencing. Simply believing in Him and working hard to follow Him - was not ALL that HE HAD for me.

In 2001, God began to speak to my husband and I about the MORE – or the abundant life Jesus talked about in John 10:10 when HE said: I came that they may have life, and may have [it] abundantly.

We started together on a journey of healing, deliverance, revelation and FREEDOM. A journey that revealed a lot about THE SOUL and the role each of us play in our own spiritual growth and transformation. A journey that we are still very much on – 8 years later.

I want to share some of the things the Lord taught me on this journey – some of the most life-changing teaching I received and then studied for myself regarding THE SOUL. But, before we get too much into the HOW TOs – I want to start by reviewing the basic design of the SOUL and take a look at how we as humans have been created…

This might seem basic at first, but trust me - it’s very important for us to understand how each piece fits together.

We are humans are made up of two main parts - and Christians have a third element...

1. The Body – our physical body, brain, organs, blood etc. The body is vehicle through which your soul communicates with and relates to other people. In scripture, the body is referred to as the outer man.

2. The Soul – the “spiritual” part of human beings. The soul (or the heart) is our mind, our will and our emotions. This is where our personality resides; where we think, feel and desire. This is where we are “wired.” In scripture, the soul or heart is referred to as the inner man.

Our soul is actually where sin BEGINS (in thought, feeling or desire) and our body is where sin ENDS – where the sin manifests itself (in action or when sickness sometimes results).

John 3:6 says by nature, we are descended from fallen Adam; made in his likeness (Gen. 5:3); and are partakers of his fallen nature. We are, as natural man, body + soul = “flesh” as scripture defines it.

This flesh, Jesus declares, "profits nothing" (John 6:63); and in it "dwells no good thing" (Rom. 7:18).

But, this is teaching that man rejects - for the most part, even Christians. The world says that there is IN-BORN GOODNESS in man, and that all we have to do is to discover it, improve it, and embrace it. This paradigm says that in essence, we are divine. This is a lie many end up believing.

But the truth is… IF any good thing is to be found in man, it must be first put THERE by God. We must be "born of the Spirit": and, when that "good thing" is BORN in us, then we partake or SHARE in the nature of God – who is Spirit. However, we must first acknowledge our need - admit that WE are NOT GOD and that we truly want God and His Spirit in us. This requires humility and repentance.

How then can we become “born of the Spirit?”

Being born of the Spirit happens at Salvation. This is an event resulting from a choice of our will. We must choose it and receive it. At salvation, we are born of the SPIRIT and we become new creations. Through this salvation, we receive FREEDOM from sin, death, the enemy, sickness and disease.

3. Our Spirit is born within us when we are born again. This is the same SPIRIT who is the Holy Spirit or the Spirit of God. We are ONE with GOD in Spirit. Our SPIRIT is the vehicle through which our soul communicates with- and relates to God. In scripture, the Spirit is sometimes called the innermost man.

The Christian then has THREE distinctive parts – Body, Soul and Spirit. There is no sin in the Spirit.

BUT, even after we are born of the SPIRIT… we keep on sinning. We continue to choose our own way over God’s way. We choose to remain a slave to sin even after we’ve been set free? WHY? Why do we continue to CHOOSE to sin after we’ve been set free?

Paul writes about his own struggle in ROMANS 7:14 & 15 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

In order to understand how to end this frustrating cycle, we need to understand HOW our Souls operate. Let’s take look at the parts of the Soul.

Parts of the Soul:

Mind – called the seat of the soul – This is where we think, reason, understand and decide. It is not the same as your brain. Your brain is a part of your body. It’s best to think of your brain as the computer that your MIND uses to process. The mind is the intangible part. In your mind, your thinking patterns, beliefs and life paradigms are established.

Will – considered the muscle of the soul – This is where we desire and want. It is the power source behind of your personality. The WILL can become very strong and competent at accomplishing its own goals and objectives. Your will motivates your actions. It powers you... unless you surrender it to GOD.

Emotions – are an indicator of the souls condition. With your emotions, you feel. Your feelings actually respond to what your mind perceives as reality and THEN influence your will choices and subsequent behaviors. – a chain reaction. Your emotions are also a very powerful part of the soul and can sometimes "feel" like the Spirit of God.

HOW THE SOUL INTERACTS WITH THE BODY & THE SPIRIT:

We were all created with a soul and body. In this relationship the soul is the driver's seat and the body is the passenger. (Imagine your favorite car!) The body responds to the soul’s desires. The soul is driving (making decisions) and the body is basically along for the ride.

Just like we mentioned earlier, the mind perceives reality – then our emotions react to what the mind perceived and we feel certain feelings as a result. THEN, our will acts on those feelings and does something in response. mind -> emotions -> will

NOW when we are born again, we add the HOLY Spirit to the mix. BUT, the soul remains in the driver’s seat. The body stays in the passenger seat, AND the Spirit moves into the back seat. Meaning the decisions and behaviors of a Christian are still being driven by the soul – (the flesh – the sinful nature).

The goal for a transformed life is to get our soul out of the driver’s seat (out of control) and to allow the SPIRIT to take the wheel. This is the process of “sanctification” or spiritual maturity where we decrease and Jesus increases in us.

Romans 7:18-23 “For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good - is with me, but there is no ability to do it. 19 For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but it is the sin that lives in me. 21 So I discover this principle: when I want to do good, evil is with me. 22 For in my inner self (soul) I joyfully agree with God's law.

If we allow our souls to drive our lives, we will end up in the constant battle Paul described – doing what we DON’T WANT to do and being enslaved to sin.

RECAP – 1st we looked at the makeup of a human being – body & soul and then the addition of the spirit (for a Christian): 2nd we looked at the makeup of the SOUL – mind, will & emotions; 3rd we looked at how the SOUL interacts with the body & the spirit.

NOW… we want to look more deeply into the SOUL and how it operates so we can better understand why it can be a such a battle to move out of the way – and into the back seat so the Spirit can DRIVE!

HOW THE SOUL OPERATES:

Our souls/hearts experience many hurts – just living in a world with other broken human beings results in a wounded heart. We have unhealed hurts, unresolved issues, unanswered questions that we deal with, and struggle with everyday. Sometimes we are very aware of these hurts - sometimes they are hidden, buried deep in our hearts.

As a result of these hurts, our souls strive to meet their own needs - to find ways to deal with their own issues. Oftentimes this involves developing beliefs that are untrue, creating paradigms to fit the pieces of a broken reality together. The soul is very creative. It can even create for us a personality that will protect us from being hurt again or make us seem unaffected by others.

Our souls attempt to meet its’ own needs - results in sin. This is us operating in our flesh to do something that only GOD can do. We are in essence trying to save ourselves – fix what is broken - instead of asking God for help. Pride and/or fear can stand in our way of truly having our hearts healed by God.

As a result, we build strongholds to protect our sinful behaviors and responses. Our souls continue to construct paradigms to defend its behavior and remain in CONTROL. The SOUL is very smart and is practiced at getting its own way. In this condition, our unhealed hurts, unmet needs and unanswered questions are unable to be addressed. We remain “protected” from others and from GOD’s healing touch.

Galatians 5:16-18 – So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

WHAT NOW?

Now that we recognize our condition, what are we to do? We must choose to take the soul out of the driver’s seat. Allow the Spirit to drive. Move the soul to the passenger seat and move the body to back!

Galatians 5:24-25 – Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with all its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

HOW can we surrender our souls completely to God? Through Prayer and the Word of God!

Jesus has given us supernatural keys to enable us to bring ourselves into alignment with God’s plan for our lives.
2CORNINTHIANS 10:3-5 3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

THIS IS A SPIRITUAL BATTLE. IT DOES NOT COME EASY OR SIMPLY. IT TAKES TIME AND EFFORT… but GREAT IS THE REWARD!!! REAL FREEDOM, PEACE and a SPIRIT-LED LIFE!

1.Ask the Lord to identify your wrong beliefs about yourself, God or others. REPENT for your SIN - for embracing lies – for embracing these WRONG BELIEFS. By doing this, you are exposing the sin and lies you believe. This is an ongoing process - not a one time deal. Ask Him to reveal the truth to you and HE will.

2.Bind your heart to the Heart of God – As we bind our soul to God, we are removing the soul from the driver’s seat and allowing the Spirit to take its rightful place. This is a daily choice of our will. ASK THE SPIRIT TO TAKE CONTROL and willfully choose to LET GO and LET GOD!

3.Through prayer - loose yourself from all wrong behaviors, feelings and patterns of thinking. – By doing this we are proactively and purposefully removing lies and the resulting sins that have come from the soul trying to meet its own needs, answer its own questions and heal its own hurts. This is where real spitiual battles take place. In prayer we take the sword of the Spirit and destory the lies of the enemy.

4.Break all ungodly soul ties. A soul tie is any ungodly binding to a person, place, thing, idea, image or memory. We all have LOTS of them! Ask the Lord to show you who you are connected to in an unhealthy, co-dependant, un-godly way. Then break that tie in prayer. You will feel different when you are with your friend the next time. Your emotions won't get yanked around and you'll be free to be who you are - without thinking habout how they will perceive you.

5.FORGIVE all those who’ve hurt you. This is a tall order and takes time and often a daily choice to forgive each and every person who has let you down, offended you, attacked you, abandoned you, rejected you, not loved you, etc, etc, etc.

6.Renew YOUR Mind - replace all wrong beliefs with the Truth of God. Proclaim these over your heart – aloud. This involves asking the Lord ot replace the lies you believe with truth. Taking each wrong, false belief to the Lord and asking Him to speak the truth to you. Write the truth down or find it in scripture and meditate on it. Read it and re-read it. Commit it to memory.

7.Fellowship with the Spirit of God – In order for your spirit to remain in the drivers seat, it will need to be continually re-filled by the Holy Spirit through ongoing worship, prayer and fellowship. Spend time with GOD. Pray in the Spirit. Practice the Presence.

8.Ask the Lord to heal the hurts of your heart, to meet your inner needs and to answer your unanswered questions or unresolved issues. HE WANTS TO & HE WILL! This is sometimes called "inner healing." When we ask the Lord to come into our hearts (souls) and heal the hurts that are there. If you invite Him in - He will come in. Remember, He stands at the door and knocks. If you open it, He will enter and show you the truth about your memory, wound or fear.

SURRENDERING OUR SOULS:

I want to focus on the outcome of a soul that is truly surrendered and a life that is transformed – because I KNOW PERSONALLY that this process is NOT a lot of fun sometimes.

Many of you know this first-hand, I am and can be a VERY strong-willed person and my SOUL was (and oftentimes still is) wanting its’ OWN WAY. First, I want to acknowledge that this can be a difficult process, second, I want to ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO IT! And third, I want to share for few minutes – WHY IT’s SO WORTH IT!!!

Abiding in Christ – The Abundant Life:

As we choose to participate in this process of surrendering our will to God’s will, we begin to experience the abundant life Jesus promised us.

Galatians 4:19 – My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you… (Paul is laboring in prayer that Jesus would be FORMED in the souls in the saints.)

The Lord said, “Abide in ME and I will abide in YOU.” This ABIDING is God’s Spirit abiding in our souls. As His Spirit abides in our soul, our souls are transformed into HIS own image. We experience a HOLINESS that can come only from HIM. As a result, God uses the aspects of our souls for HIS glory.

1Th 5:23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely. And may your spirit, soul, and body be kept sound and blameless for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

AS A RESULT, our minds are filled with God’s thoughts and we walk in His wisdom and truth. In our will, we experience Godly desires and an increase wanting for spiritual things. Through our emotions, we feel divine LOVE and the holy feelings of God.

Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

These things are at this point - no longer an act of our will – our souls trying to choose holy things – BUT ARE NOW actually coming forth from us through the power of the Spirit in the drivers seat! Holiness is a way of life. WE ARE FREE FROM SIN!

When the Spirit of God has complete authority in your soul, your very thoughts, desires and feeling are ONE with GOD. This is the FULLNESS OF LIFE – Abiding in Christ – allowing HIS Spirit to fill our souls to over flowing and transforming WHO we are. I Corn 6:17 17 But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

Our souls are the very place where Jesus desires to express the fullness of His Life – Bearing FRUIT through us – through character, ministry, gifts etc.

Remember that Jesus said, “Apart from ME, you can do nothing.” Much of my Christian life has been “nothing” – the things I’ve attempted to DO for God or even things that I’ve tried to fix or change in me as an act of my own will were worthless! Through this process the Lord has shown me how HIS yoke is easy and His burden is light.
By purposefully taking my soul out of the driver’s seat and inviting the Spirit to take control, I have the freedom Jesus promised. I encourage you to begin and continue on this journey of transformation. I won’t promise that it will be easy or painless, but it will bring an ABUNDANT LIFE with AMAZING FRUIT.

getting me out of control so God can drive... what peace

unbelievable

Recently, I had a gentle reminder of how absolutely crazy and truly unbelievable my faith looks to someone on the outside. I was reminded how insane it seems to the world that there are people (like me) who actually take the Bible literally. People who believe that there was a garden, a flood, an ark, a big fish, a virgin birth, a baby who was fully God and fully man, miracles, a resurrection, a future Antichrist who will deceive many, and a coming king who will rule and reign on the new earth for eternity. It sounds like a fairy tale to those who don't believe it's absolute TRUTH.

And, how can you explain all that to someone who uses human understanding to determine what's true? You can't. It sounds crazy. And for me, it had been a long time since that reality was right before me - so in my face - so clear that what we believe is little more than a fairy tale to the rest of the world.

So, what's the difference between those who believe this "fairy tale" and those who don't. A revelation of Jesus. Once you've had a one-on-one encounter with Jesus, you're forever changed. Rewired in such a way that how you see God, yourself, others, the future, the past, and life in general is altered and YOU CAN'T GO BACK! Everything you hear and see from that point forward passes through a new God-filter -a spiritual discerner - that reveals truth and deception. You are truly BRAIN WASHED. You walk by the Spirit, not by the flesh. You are a new creation.

It's impossible to understand or explain all of this to the human mind. It takes spiritual revelation and personal experience. It takes the Holy Spirit revealing Himself. When the Spirit of God is born in you - when you accept HIM for who HE is, invite HIM in and ask HIM to transform you into HIS image and likeness, then, and only then, you're changed, you're eyes are opened and you can SEE.

I think as followers of Jesus, we too often isolate ourselves. We keep our faith protected from the outside world by surrounding ourselves with those who share it. This can be good in many ways - but I've also seen recently how this can be very bad.

Good in that we have fellowship. We have intimate relationships with others who are manifesting the living Spirit of God. Through those relationships we can experience even MORE of Jesus as it is expressed through others who are surrendered to Him. Good in that we have support. We have friends and family who "get it." Who understand what we mean when we say something. Who care about the things we care about and who see the world through similar glasses. All of that is good.

But there is also a downside to this isolation. One obvious negitive aspect is that we stop pursuing the lost. We loose touch with those who need God - who in their own way are looking for HIM. If we don't make ourselves available to them via relationship, we completely miss any chance of sharing the Jesus with them - and as a result fail to fulfill the great commission.

In addition to this most significant downside, I was reminded recently of another - not as eternal - but a bad side effect nonetheless. If we only surround ourselves with those who live in our reality we forget how wild, how crazy, how unreal our reality is for those who can't see it. We forget how alien we really are. How can we relate to those who don't believe if we forget how wacky we seem to them. This second side effect relates directly to the first. How can we relate to the world if we are so out of touch with their perspective?

We need to remember how it felt, how it looked to us before we believed. And if we grew up believing, we need to be open to the world around us and allow our children to experience the world too. We need to have friends who disagree. Even those who are settled in their own faith - who will never see Jesus as the one true God. Those who live with other paradigms. If we isolate ourselves from these realities we loose our passion for sharing God AND we end up being really lame at it when we do try. It's like we speak another language. We need to be bi-lingual - able to share the love of God and the realities of HIS Kingdom and HIS Word in a way that those who are seeking can hear.

I am very grateful for my little wake up call. I'm glad God sent me a reminder of how crazy and weird I look to the world. Not because I'm proud of being a "fool for Jesus" (which I am) but because I need to be reminded that being in the world and not of it means that I am open and aware of those around me. I seek out all types of relationships and stay open to what the Holy Spirit is doing. I accept the "alien" status but even more I embrace the call to go into world and preach the gospel of Jesus... and when necessary, to use words.

realizing that to some what I believe is and always will be - truly unbelievable.

ready for the next season

I remember when I turned 37 years old. I began to feel the importance of the next three years. I really felt God was speaking to me about being in a season of preparation. It was almost as if He was preparing me for a release into what He created me to do. Those three years passed very quickly.

Six months from now I'll celebrate my 40th birthday. I know for some their birthdays are just another day – no big deal. But to me, marking moments in time is a significant part of my journey.

I believe it’s important to stop and take a look at the progress of one’s life. If we don’t review where we’ve been, acknowledge the mistakes we’ve made, appreciate the successes we’re experienced, process the hard times, enjoy and be grateful for the blessing... how can we learn? Aren’t we here to grow, to develop, to become one with God? If so, I believe learning from our mistakes is one of the most effective ways to do that. And you must take a good hard look at what has been, before you can be truly honest about what is to come. Sometimes we aren't where we think we are. Reflection is key to planning. In other words, hindsight is 20/20.

I think if we aren't careful, life can be far too haphazard. I believe in being intentional. I believe we only get one shot at this beautiful gift and it’s up to us what we make of it. I believe this intentional, internal processing is a critical aspect of our growth and development as humans.

As I experience this time of “getting ready” for this next season, God has been reviewing with me some of my gifts, areas where He created me strong, talents. He’s also been showing me my weaknesses – i.e. things I was NOT created to do. Then, He’s reminded me of my passions. You know the things you do, or have done in the past, that you LOVE! Things that literally make your heart come alive.

As I’ve listened to His Spirit and allowed Him to remind me of these passions, I’ve developed many lists. (Actually making lists is something I also really enjoy.) It’s been so good to REMEMBER what it is that makes me feel fully alive and it’s been fun to dabble in those things again.

However, this process has been hard too. It’s been painful to look at the times when I denied my “calling” in order to please others. Times I’ve been too afraid, too prideful (shy) to walk in the fullness of who I truly am. It’s been hard to look honestly at the ways I’ve prevented my own destiny through fear, resentment, unforgiveness, pride or judgments about myself or others.

God has been faithful to show me how I’ve gotten in the way of becoming and functioning as the woman of God He created me to be. That part hasn’t been fun.

But by looking hard at the good, the bad and the ugly, I’ve become ready – ready to set my fears aside, ready to embrace the fullness of diane marie and accept me for who HE created me to be – no apologies, no excuses – just the read deal – nothing more, nothing less.

And recently, I’ve started moving in this direction. I’ve been doing some small things that will prepare me for the bigger things He has planned. That’s been exciting.

I’ve also developed a good measure of resolve. I will NOT settle for LESS than ALL He has for me. I think the worst thing that can happen for a human is REGRET. I want to limit my regrets as much as possible. Even if I look like a fool to the world, so BE IT. I want to do the things He created me to do – even if others don’t like them.

I want to live for that audience of ONE… fully accomplishing (to the best of my ability as a flawed human) the will, the plan, the destiny HE set out for me.

I want to be ready too for the “backlash.” You know what I mean. The little comments made like “why are you doing that?” and other judgmental jabs. I think others are intimidated by someone who is walking in their destiny. As humans we all believe there is only one way of doing things and that’s “our way.” When we see others pushing the limits, we are triggered and want them to get in line – so we can be confirmed that what we are doing is “right.”

I don’t want to be pulled into any of that dialogue. I want to keep my eyes fixed on the goal and objective of my life. I’ve lived 39 years getting ready. “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” I’m sure I have many more mistakes ahead of me, but from this moment forward, I want to choose to ONLY do what I was created for...

nothing more - nothing less.

WAKE UP!

I am praying people in our country wake up. We have been lulled to sleep by entertainment, materialism, vanity, the American dream - and it's all going to crash and burn before our very eyes. Time is running out.

My husband has been prophesying today's financial headlines for years. Everyone thought he was an extremist or a doomsayer - but it's all coming to pass. Our economy is a house of cards and it will all come tumbling down, sooner or later.

We can pretend to bail out upside down companies in our nation but it won't hold for long - we only have debt or tax dollars to do so - that's over $2,000 per person (man, woman and child) to pay the debt of overextended corporations.

DEBT is BAD. SIMPLE is BETTER. LESS is MORE. WAKE UP!! Your American Dream is a virtual reality. It's a fantasy. You don't really have what you think you have. PAY CASH. GET OUT OF DEBT. PROTECT WHAT YOU HAVE.

I have a friend who is a well-educated, beautiful, talented woman and you know what she did? She got a job at McDonald's!! She worked her fanny off to get her family out of debt. And now, THEY ARE DEBT FREE! She WORKED. GO figure. Most people I know are too lazy or prideful to take the low road and actually do the WORK. I love to hear her talk about scrubbing the toilets. SHE is one of my heros. I am so sick of empty words and lofty thinking.

Let's get real. Let's do what it takes. Let's be smart and stop looking to the government to bail us out of our personal debt. God will come near to those who APPLY HIS WORD to their daily lives - those who walk in wisdom - those who are willing to do the hard things when HE asks them to - when it becomes obvious that a money tree is NOT growing in the backyard.

What ever happened to the patriotic spirit that birthed this FREE nation? LIFE, LIBERTY and the PURSUIT of HAPPINESS? We've become more like socialist than FREE men and women. I just want to scream FREEDOM!!! over our nation.

Wake up from this dream. See the beauty of a nation FREE to do what we are called do. Don't cave to allowing BIG BROTHER to take care of you.

GET READY. There is a shaking going on and coming soon that will not only wake people in the spiritual - but in the natural, financial, educational, medical arenas as well.

USE WISDOM. Where is wisdom? All I see is wisdom of the world, wisdom of men. I don't see God's wisdom. The book of Proverbs is a great place to start.

watch this video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5tZc8oH--o

powerless

As we get ready to begin our third day without power, I am reminded of what powerlessness really feels like. It’s not everyday that I have the opportunity or misfortune (depending on your point of view) to experience being truly “out of control.”

Being without power can be kinda scary. Not scary – like oh no, I’m afraid I’m going to die!… but it gives you a weird or unusual feeling. We are so conditioned to be in control of everything – from the lights in our home to every pre-meditated activity. On a daily basis, we get to choose what we want, when we want, how we want, for as long as we want, with whomever we want, where we want. As Americans we decide our daily destiny – we are in control. We have such freedom.

But today, I don’t get to choose. I am being affected by my life circumstances and I must adjust, react, respond accordingly. I can’t just “do” what I want. I must surrender to the situation around me and do what I need to do to survive.

Surrender… control… common themes in the life of a Christian. Themes that I think set us apart from other religions. As Christians, we are given power by God, who gave up everything for us, to FREELY CHOOSE to love Him. We are not forced to serve Him. We are not required to do anything. We have the power to choose… to choose love, or to turn away.

And as we use this choice, this power, this freedom to CHOOSE to love God, to choose to give our lives to Him, to choose to serve Him because of our overwhelming love for Him… we choose to ultimately surrender to Him, to His will for us, to His plan.

It’s seems crazy, almost ironic – but it’s perfect irony – God’s wisdom… that we are given this power, choice, freedom so we can be voluntary lovers of God – free to choose to give up our power – to give the power back to God and to rely on Him completely.

How amazing? That the God of the Universe loves us so much that He would give up everything for us and in response we would choose to give it all back to Him out of our true love and devotion. A beautiful love story.

As I sit in the dark with no power wondering how long the battery on my laptop will last, I’m experiencing a familiar feeling. A feeling I remember as a child when I would be resting in Daddy’s arms as he carried me in from the car. After a long car trip, late at night, I would always pretend to be in a deep sleep so he would carry me up to my bed. I loved the feeling of being carried. I was completely safe, without a care, resting in my father’s arms – knowing that I would end up secure in my cozy bed. I wasn’t worried about a thing. I wasn’t unsure that he’d make it or wonder if he’d get lost. I knew HE was a good daddy and that he would put me exactly where I needed to be.

I think that’s the key to truly surrendering to God – you have to know who you Daddy is. If we are unsure that He really has our best interest at heart – or if it’s impossible for us to trust Him (b/c of past hurts by our own dad), we will struggle to “stay asleep” in his arms. We will choose to keep our eyes wide open – choosing with our freedoms to lead our own lives and remain in complete control. A choice He gives us.

I’m not saying that we don’t still have to make decisions and choices even after we surrender to God, of course we do. But I believe that if we surrender our lives to Him and willingly invite Him to carry us, we will have easier decisions and better outcomes than when we were carrying the full weight of our lives all by ourselves. And the best part is, that if we really trust Him, we can be confident that the decisions we make when we are surrendered to His will, will be better than we could ever imagine (maybe different - but for sure better.)

I love the scripture that I think illustrates this point - "Lean NOT on your OWN understanding, but in ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE Him and He will make your path STRAIGHT." Look to Him, surrender to His will and your life will be so much better than if you chose to do it your own way.

I think it’s good for me to be sitting here in the dark. Being without power can be a great time to rest in His arms. Jesus, I choose to surrender my life to you again – completely. Take control of me – every area of my heart and carry me wherever YOU want me to go. I trust you. I trust you want what’s best for me. I trust I will end up exactly where I need to be.

becoming powerless… by choice.

be a difference maker

I heard a really good message on Sunday from a good friend. He talked about embracing the “dare” God gives us to make a difference in this world. To do the radical, life-changing thing you’ve been called to do. It was great to be reminded that each one of us has the opportunity to affect and influence this world like no one else can. So, the question is... why aren't we?

Over the last several years, I’ve been studying the soul – the spiritual side of us that's inborn. The soul is sometimes defined as our desires, tendencies, drives, emotions, feelings… WHO we are when we arrive on the planet and WHO we become as a result of our life experience and the nurturing we receive. In scripture, soul is also translated “heart”.

So, what does an understanding of our heart have to do with us making a difference in this world? Well, I think it does.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on how much God cares about WHO we are. After all, He made us. He created everyone in His image with incredible uniqueness and special features. Each one is fearfully and wonderfully made. I’ve also been thinking about how important it is to God that we KNOW ourselves. He really likes who He created and He cares very much that we get to know who we are. This matters to Him. AND, until we discover the fullness of who He created us to be, it’s impossible for us to live out our destiny - to do the unique thing He created us to do in this life - to really be a difference maker.

There are lots of ways to get to know your true self. One of the most adventurous it to ask others! Ask those who live with you; those who see the good, the bad and the ugly; those who will be painfully honest. This is one of the most courageous ways toward true self-realization. Just ASK.

Another way I’ve experienced self-discovery is to ask GOD. After all, He made us and He knows us better than we know ourselves. He wants to reveal our true selves to us – to show us the beauty of who He created us to be. Just ASK Him – He will show you some amazing things about yourself - things you never knew.

I also love to use personality tests to help reveal individual preferences and strengths. These are not always the clearest, most effective indicators, but sometimes these tests reveal things in our hearts that are hidden or latent (asleep) that God wants to wake in us. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs, the DiSC and most recently the Strength-Finder. Each one of these tests confirmed in me what I already kinda knew about myself – yet they highlighted aspects of who I am that I wasn’t thinking about or even consciously aware of. These results gave me license to embrace my strengths and to be more fully who I was created to be.

Becoming self-aware is a journey. I think aging helps. (Actually it’s something I’ve been pursuing since I was young girl. I’ve always had this internal desire to understand who I was – to know my strengths and my weaknesses. At 12 years old I remember my dad was saying that I was “far too deep for my age" and by my sophomore year of high school my language teacher would comment on my introspective ways when she saw me reading Eric Fromm’s I’m OK, You’re OK. - Yeah, I know, kinda weird.)

Another way to confirm who you are is to have someone tell you the exact opposite! Oftentimes we are more sure of who we AREN'T than of who we ARE. Once when I was in church leadership I was operating in my weakness. I had become "militant" and overwhelmed. I was maxed out. During that time, I had a close friend tell me that maybe I was mainly administrative and not really a very relational person. WOW!! What a blow. That comment cut me to the quick. Not because it was necessarily mean-spirited, but because I knew it was the farthest thing from the truth. I was all about relationship. I love people. All I want to do is relate to people. How could she see the very opposite in me? I was operating out of my weaknesses. The role I was in was overwhelming me – wearing me out and taking so much emotional energy due to the intense administrative detail. I was becoming who I was not! It happens. Thank God that this comment was a wake up call for me and I stepped down from my position and took some time to just BE. God restored me, my heart, my relational soul and I moved on. And as a result, I am now even more convinced of who I truly AM and who God had created me to be.

How will this self-discovery process help us become a difference maker? Well, the more we know ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses – the more we will have clarity on what we've been called to do to make an impact in the world. For example, I am certainly not called to make a difference by solving calculus problems or curing cancer. These challenges require a different type of person – someone who is gifted in ways I’m not.

Knowing who we truly are is a lifelong process – but so worth the effort. How many people have you seen wasting years of their life doing things that required them to spend their energy overcoming their weaknesses instead of operating out of their strengths? Far too many, I'm sure.

That's why I'm passionate about this topic. Understanding ourselves, our hearts, our calling is key to a successful life. We will live frustrated, unfulfilled lives if we refuse to see the truth about ourselves. We need to know where we are weak and where we are strong. We must embace our strengths, ask God to cover our weaknesses, and open ourselves up to be fully transformed by the love of Christ. That's the way to the abundant life Jesus offers us - the Way to a transformed, impactful, significant life.

AND, I LOVE doing what I’m good at. Who doesn’t? Who doesn’t get completely jazzed accomplishing some level of greatness or impact? However, this only comes when we move in our gifts – when we’ve worked to develop our natural strengths into real talent. And, we must first walk down that road of self-discovery for a few miles. We need to see the truth about who we are and who we aren’t. Not everyone can do everything WELL. And that’s ok. Sometimes effort is not ALL we need. God created each one different to fulfill a unique and special purpose in His world.

so now... who are you?

my personality in a nutshell

Myers-Briggs: ENFJ

Extrovert: I am energized by my time with others. "being with people is better than being alone" or "my mouth must move for my brain to think!"
Intuitive: I know what you mean without you explaining it. "you know - that gut level feeling you get that guides you" or "the sixth sense"
Feeler: I am aware of my feelings and the feelings of others. "how i feel matters more to me than what i think" or "i'm sensitive"
Judger: I want to understand and have a plan. "let's have a plan. if we don't have a plan it won't happen." or "spontaneity is over-rated"

StrengthFinder:

Communication: "i love sharing thoughts, feelings ideas, opinions with others through WORDS!"
Strategic: "let's look at the big picture - i think i see a better way to get there from here"
Activator: "let's do it - what are we waiting for?"
Relator: "i love, need, enjoy, appreciate, desire RELATIONSHIP with other humans"
Achiever: "how many things can i accomplish in one day? let's see..."

DiSC: Di

Dominance: HIGH To the point, decisive and bottom line oriented. These people tend to be independent and results driven. They are strong-willed people who enjoy challenges, taking action, and immediate results.

Influence: HIGH Optimistic and outgoing. They tend to be highly social and out going. They prefer participating on teams, sharing thoughts, and entertaining and energizing others.

Steadiness: LOW Empathetic & Cooperative. These people tend to be team players and are supportive and helpful to others. They prefer being behind the scene, working in consistent and predictable ways. They are often good listeners and avoid change and conflict

Conscientiousness: LOW Concerned, Cautious & Correct. These people are often focused on details and quality. They plan ahead, constantly check for accuracy, and what to know "how" and "why".