I wrote this entry in the first person, present tense as a style choice. I dealt with this particular issue for many years and have recently been sharing with others who struggle in a similar way - hence the post. By the grace of God, I have been set free from most of these inner struggles and I (mostly) walk in the TRUTH of who HE says I AM!
However, I believe that HOW we see ourselves and HOW we sin against ourselves can be a significant block that keeps us from the TRUTH & ultimate FREEDOM Jesus offers - so I wrote the post.
Lately, I've been reflecting on the power we have over ourselves.
Seems like an simple idea, but the impact I have on ME is much greater than it seems. Truth is - it's very easy for me to be my own worst enemy on any given day - without me even realizing it.
For example, how many times per day am I thinking negative thoughts about myself? How many false beliefs do I hold about me? How many vows, or agreements, or judgements have I made against myself, who I am or who I'm not, what I can or can't do or accomplish? For many of us, these patterns of thinking are just automatic.
The problem is, this is not simply a bad habit. It is REAL sin. Sin against ourselves is something we don't often acknowledge. What's unique about this type of sin is that it hurts us DOUBLE. Not only am I the one sinning, but I am also the one being sinned against. A double whammy! And so we reap the consequences of the sin from both ends.
As I wrongly judge myself, I sin. That sin opens the door for the enemy to walk into my thought life and add fuel to the fire against me. All the while, I am receiving the curse I've made against me and beginning to believe it.
The consequences of such on-going self-rejection, self-hatred or self-loathing directly impact who I am today, who I will become in the future, what I believe about God and others, what I can accomplish in this life and the joy I allow myself to experience.
After years of living with false perceptions about me and regularly speaking lies about myself, I become less and less of who God created me to be and more and more a creation of my own reality. These wrong beliefs about me, shape my personality and steal parts of who I truly am.
I end up settling for so much less than God intended - without me even knowing it. BECAUSE... more than anyone else, I have the most power over ME. I decide what I will allow myself to enjoy, believe, think, feel, eat, do etc. I control me - for better, or oftentimes... for worse. That's the freewill God has give me.
What I believe about me affects who I can become, what I can accomplish, who I will marry, how I will raise my children and the list goes on. How we see ourselves has a tremendous impact on every aspect of our lives.
YET, we must remember that Jesus mentioned many times that we are to LOVE ourselves. In fact he presumed this self-love when He said "love your neighbor as yourself" - i.e. as much as you love yourself - assuming you already love yourself more than others.
You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. Lev. 19 18
The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31
But if we judged/discerned ourselves truly, we would not be judged. 32 But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world. 1 Corn. 11
Take a moment and think about how you have harshly judged yourself. Are you holding anything against yourself? What do YOU need to forgive YOURself for?
There may be parts of you that you've rejected. Maybe you didn't like something about you at first glance - so you rejected that part. Do you remember doing something like that? It's often when we are small or in the teen years that we shut away important parts of who we were created to be. You can recall those parts. They are waiting to be reclaimed.
God says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made - completely - not in part but in whole. He desires us to be FULLY who HE created. These parts of our hearts that we've rejected and shut down, HE loves. These are the very things that HE wants to restore to our personality.
Ask God about this. Ask yourself. Listen to your heart. It will tell you where you have sinned against you. Ask the Holy Spirit. He will reveal to the areas of your personality that you have rejected or denied. He will show you how you can reclaim these parts of your heart again. You can forgive yourself and receive what you've rejected. You can start today. The Lord will mend the broken pieces of your heart and make it whole.
Consider your sin against yourself today. There might be more of it then you think.
