I had a strange situation happen recently.
A dear friend from childhood misunderstood a joke I made and insisted I meant something hurtful. It was sureal as she continued in email after email to try to convince me of my ill intent. I was truly caught off guard.
Did she know my heart better than I? I thought, prayed, pondered and waited to see if some hidden agenda would rise to the surface. As I questioned myself and considered my true intentions, I began to think about what makes us think we know another's heart better than they do themselves?
How often have I been convinced someone meant to be mean or rude or hurtful to me? When maybe... they didn't. How many times have I reacted to something I completely misinterpreted but instead of expecting and believing the best about them and ASKING for clarification, I become hurt, offended and mad? Too many times, I'm sure.
Why are we so afraid to just accept someone's explanation at face value? Does what we think others are communicating to us really reveal what we think they believe about us?
Meaning - if I believe someone does not truly like me, accept me or love me for who I am, am I more inclined to project those feeling onto them - and think they are judging me or rejecting me?
Maybe what we think other's feel about us does more to reveal what WE feel about ourselves than it does reveal the other's heart? Maybe our own insecurities and wounds are being revealed when we feel other's are out to get us.
Not sure... just wondering as I sit and wait on the Lord to reveal to me the TRUTH in my own heart. Only HE fully knows what's there.
I cannot completely trust my own interpretations of my words, thoughts and actions because my heart (in it's unredeemed state) is deceitful and very tricky. My soul is fully capable of tricking me into believing I am being pure in my motives when in fact I have a wicked intent or an alterior motive. It's true. I can be just as mean as the next girl - meaner really. So I pray. I wait. I ask HIM to reveal my heart to me.
Often He shows me some really gross, sinful stuff. But this time... nothing. I was just joking - REALLY! Just a silly joke. A joke that may have put a 30 year friendship on hold, yet again. What a shame. Or not?
Maybe it's for the best. I've found that some releationships can really cause more harm than good if both parties wounds continue to prick each other and no healing is in sight.
One thing I've learned - you can't change people. You can't change what they think, feel or believe about you OR about themselves. Only they can change their minds and oftentimes ONLY with God's help.
I guess I can say farewell to yet another friendship. I trust the Lord is putting me into right relationship with all of those He ordains to be in my life - no more, no less.
We all need healing... really - we ALL do.
