I love my husband. He's very encouraging. He recently told me to stop asking what is needed or necessary and ask instead: what brings me life? That is a great question.
What brings me LIFE?
It's amazing for me to realize that God gifted each of us to do the things we love to do, the things that bring us LIFE! That HE actually designed us to love certain things and to be energized by them as gifts to us to bless us as we do what we LOVE TO DO!
To think that we were uniquely designed to ENJOY life - to receive LIFE from life. Not to be drained and strung out. Not to strive and labor.
I think as a young adult I was unsure about this. I never really believed God loved me THAT much. That He desired me to be enjoying the journey. I knew He bled and died for me, gave His life for me. But, did He really want me to ENJOY life? Was I truly meant to get something out of this for myself?
Maybe it was being raised a hard-working American who values education, career, money and worldly-success OR maybe it was my German ancestry - utilitarian and practical at all costs. Who knows. Maybe it was just a part of my inborn personality - be practical and do what is necessary. Wherever it came from, it was there. I had a strong sense of doing things because I should do them - because they made the most sense. Not because I loved them or they brought me LIFE!
After 20 years or so, this way of thinking led to death. Not death in my body, but death to my passions, my dreams. Death to what I had deemed impractical and selfish things that actually brought me LIFE. I was living, but my heart was not fully alive. I was capable and competant, but not enjoying the journey much.
It's funny. We tell our kids they can do anything, be anything. No dream is too big for God so dream big. But, do we? I had stopped dreaming for me. I could dream for them and my husband, but not for myself.
At some point in my own life, I think fairly young, I decided I was going to do the right thing - be responsible, be productive, be successful, be solid. I think many times we become what we don't have - what our soul needs. It made sense to develop myself into what I thought I needed most. A person I could look up to. A person I could value.
This process of deciding and responding really locks you in. Locks you into someone you are maybe not meant to be - completely.
I believe that we are fearfully and wonderfully made - and that there's A LOT in there. Meaning, we are NOT a blank slate when we enter this world. We are each a unique, complex creation of God, designed to reflect His glory in our one-of-a-kind personalities as we are fully redeemed by His overwhelming love.
We were created to express the Father.
He designed us for specific purposes. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He made us and He desires us to be all that He created us to be. But in order to do that, we must first get free. Free from the lies of the enemy. Free from ourselves and the limitations we've placed on us. Free from hurts in our hearts from past wounds. Free from the expectations of ourselves and others. We must be FREE to fully embrace WHO He made us to be. FREE to BE and DO what He uniquely created us to - the things that BRING US LIFE.
Sounds simple but I've personally found it to be very hard. So often as I step out to do the things that give me life, I enter a battle. A battle in my mind of accusation, lies, expectations etc. Voices in my head saying that this is waste of time, I need to be doing something else, someone needs me... etc.
Yet, when I push through, WHAT LIFE! I feel alive and happy and loved. I know in those moments that THIS is what I was created for and I shake off all excuses, accusations and opinions of man. I embrace the ME the HE created and I enjoy the journey.
Wouldn't it be amazing to live in this place all the time? I believe it's possible.
Sure we will still need to do the practical things like the laundry, cooking, cleaning etc (or whatever you consider "chores"). But we will be energized. We will come from a place where our hearts are full and we HAVE SOMETHING to GIVE... verses being drained empty.
I want to live that way. From today on, I will choose to BE who HE created me to be and I DO what brings me LIFE.
Recently, I made a choice in this direction. I went on my first community theater audition in 20 years. It seemed hard to get back out there at first but I had a blast preparing. I truly love singing musical theater music! I brings me LIFE!
The audition went very well – they kept me till the bitter end. I read & sang for the lead and the other major female roles. Honestly, on my audition piece – I give myself a B. It was not my best – but I guess enough for them to see my ability.
I really don’t expect to get cast. If I do, I will be excited to participate in something that really makes me feel alive. But either way, the audition alone was success to me. I stepped out. I made a choice to do something that brings my heart LIFE. That is a victory. I will continue to make these choices.
My husband inspired me several years ago when he started swimming again after 20 years. I think now we both realize that to tell our kids to reach for the stars and do what they love, while we sit back and ignore our own hearts, is hypocrisy and not a very good example.
It is wonderful to realize that we don’t need to lay down all the things we love just because we have children. We CAN have things in our lives that we love too – just because we love them – and… they don’t have to serve a practical purpose to be worthwhile. Loving them is enough!
And best of all, this is God's gift to us: when we do what we were created to do, it brings us LIFE while it brings HIM GLORY!
