He led me to stop the busyness of my life and to spend my time seeking Him. I thought this was a season that would come to end in a few weeks or months. Yet as time passed, I realized maybe it wasn’t a season at all… but a new lifestyle. A different way of living and perceiving life. A paradigm shift that would change much more than how I spent my time. It would change how I viewed my life, how I lived it and what I would value for the rest of my life here on earth.
I’ve noticed it’s difficult for me to see the forest through the trees. When I am in the midst of my own life, it’s hard to be discerning about how I’m living it. Certainly the Holy Spirit shows me my sin and teaches me things – but until I am removed from the daily operations, I am unable to really look at my own life objectively.
I’ve been reflecting on these changes and how to clearly communicate them. I’m still not sure the best way to articulate something so basic and yet so abstract. In general, I am calling this experience/season/lifestyle – hiding in Christ. I think this is good descriptor as I am decreasing, He is increasing, and I’m in what feels like hiding. I’m sure the scripture about being hidden in Christ has deeper meanings I am unfamiliar with, but for me right now, this language fits. I feel I am choosing to be hidden IN Him.
I believe what He’s done in me is valuable and could possibly benefit someone else, so I will try to recap some of the highlights so far. This might be a bit rough. I am still processing.
- giving Him my undivided attention is invaluable. Focusing on Christ. Developing my own personal relationship with Him is not optional is absolutely vital. To truly KNOW Him takes time, effort, energy, willingness, surrender, desire. It will not just magically happen. He deserves and desires our attention. Our worship. Our love. Our passion. Knowing Him is, and will always be, all that matters.
- time is a valuable resource and we will be held accountable for how we spend it – just as we will for all that we’ve been given > money, health, children, skills/abilities, relationships. Everything we’re given can be used for His kingdom purposes or it can be abused and wasted. It’s all a choice – whether our choice is conscience or subconscience, we all decide how we utilize and apply what He has given us. I am now choosing to spend my time on Him and His purposes.
- to only do what I see the Father doing. So much of my life has been consumed with busyness. After 42 years on this earth, I’m finally able to see how much of what we do is motivated by expectations of others – and even ourselves. I’ve spent much of my life trying to live up to my OWN expectations – kinda weird, I know. I’ve always been one of those over-achiever types with very high expectations for what I should be able to do or accomplish – which has made it difficult to see what the Father doing. I have now given up my own agenda and I'm focusing on watching for Him and his agenda. An amazing change of pace for me. It’s been wonderful to release myself from all my expectations and truly REST in HIM.
- He is pleased. He loves me for WHO I am – not what I do. As much as I could have said these same words for many years now, I didn’t really understand and believe them like I do today. For a driven person who values producing things and accomplishing goals – it’s nearly impossible to NOT be works-oriented. I am realizing more each day that being a doer can only be an outcome of the love relationship I have with Him. If I don’t focus on Him and let Him fill me up first – then I have NO PLACE doing anything. After all, Paul says all those good-looking works I do will be like dirty rags when they are done outside of the love we share with God. So now... I am doing a lot less and feeling loved a lot more.
- I don’t get it. The older I get, the less I know – or the more I realize how little I’ve ever known. I am comfortable now not trying to figure everything out. My need to completely understand and categorize information has decreased significantly. I am now better able to accept the fact that I CAN’T know everything and I shouldn’t even try! Not everything needs to make sense to me. I have a human mind. God’s thinking is so much higher than mine. He knows best. I trust Him. I trust He loves me and His plan is perfect. I don’t need to know the answer to my ongoing question -- why. I am much more comfortable with ambiguity and the unknown. I feel safe and secure even when I don’t know what is going to happen next. That’s huge.
I am now embracing this new lifestyle. One of simplicity. Putting Him in His right place – FIRST in every area of my life, my heart, my thoughts and my small little deeds. I look forward to being transformed more and more as I gaze upon His beauty and allow Him to continue to change me. I am excited to say that I honestly feel different. I don’t feel driven anymore. A friend of mine recently told me about a book I am yet to read – something like… Are you called or driven? I can thankfully say that by the grace of God, I am now becoming CALLED and leaving behind my need to be driven.
hiding, resting, being and trusting in Him.
